The Lie We've Been Sold
"Wait until you're ready."
"Travel first, experience life, get drunk, date a lot, build your empire, then settle down."
We’ve heard these phrases repeated like gospel. From influencers to schoolteachers, from TV shows to our very own families—delay marriage until you’re older and "ready." But what if this "readiness" is a myth designed to keep you wandering, unsatisfied, and ultimately, alone?
What if the truth is that marrying young is actually one of the smartest, most biologically, emotionally, and spiritually sound decisions you could make?
What if the "criteria before marriage" ideology is making modern relationships worse, not better?
Let’s dissect the lies, present the forgotten truth, expose the risks of modern ideologies, and reveal why the Bible—and biology itself—points to the wisdom of marrying young.
Part 1: Modern Media's Agenda — Why They Don’t Want You to Marry Young
1. "You Need to Experience More First"
This narrative sounds adventurous on the surface—but it’s often promoted by broken individuals who haven’t found fulfillment, and instead encourage others to follow in their footsteps of endless "experience chasing."
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Result: Normalizes hookup culture, damages emotional bonds, leads to emptiness.
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Data: Studies show that individuals with multiple past sexual partners report higher dissatisfaction in marriage and higher divorce rates. (Journal of Marriage and Family, 2016)
2. "Build Yourself First Before Even Thinking About a Wife"
While self-improvement is good, the "build before love" ideology is flawed:
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Reality Check: Building "fully" can take decades. Waiting until you’re "perfect" is a moving target—you’ll never be fully complete.
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The Worst Outcome? You finish "building," only to meet someone who’s been with countless partners before you.
3. "There’s Always Someone Better"
This lie feeds hedonic adaptation—constantly seeking something new, never satisfied. It destroys the concept of contentment and faithful commitment.
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Psychological Cost: More choices = more anxiety, more second-guessing.
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Result: Broken relationships, dissatisfaction, and regret.
4. "Marriage is a Trap"
Who usually pushes this? Hurt, bitter individuals who failed in love, often due to their own poor choices.
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Truth: Marriage is not a trap; it’s a covenant. It’s hard, but it’s also the foundation for stable families, personal growth, and generational success.
Part 2: The Biological Reality — You Can’t Cheat Biology
Forget opinions—biology doesn’t negotiate.
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Pregnancy Rates: Female fertility peaks between ages 20-24. By 30, fertility declines sharply. (CDC Data)
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Energy Levels: Your hormonal prime for physical vitality, emotional bonding, and starting a family is in your 20s.
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Emotional Bonding: Oxytocin (the bonding hormone) works best before emotional trauma or repeated sexual bonding with multiple partners.
Biology doesn’t care about your goals, career, or "exploring life." It’s hard-coded for early reproduction and stable family formation.
Part 3: The Biblical Mandate — God Knew This Long Before Modern Science
The Bible has always aligned with biology:
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1 Corinthians 7:9 (KJV) — "But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn."
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Ecclesiastes 12:1 (KJV) — "Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth..."
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Proverbs 5:18 (KJV) — "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth."
Scripture assumes that youth is the prime time for marriage, family, and building a God-honoring life.
Why?
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To avoid sin (you can't commit adultery with your own spouse).
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To build with someone together, not alone then "bringing them in later."
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To maintain purity and emotional stability.
Part 4: Risks of Delaying Marriage — The Ugly Truth No One Wants to Admit
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Higher Risk of Divorce: Multiple past partners strongly correlate with increased divorce risk.
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STD Risk: The longer you delay, the higher the risk of sexually transmitted infections.
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Disillusionment: The "grass is greener" mindset destroys real commitment potential.
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Bitter Dating Pool: The older you get, the more emotional baggage, cynicism, and brokenness in potential partners.
Part 5: Why Marrying Young is Actually the Smart Move
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Low Body Count = High Bonding Potential
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Avoidance of Sexual Sin
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Higher Chance of Raising Godly Children Together
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Building Financially Together Is Possible — Not Required to Build First Alone
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Spiritual Benefits: You fight temptation by fulfilling God’s design for family early.
Conclusion: You Only Get One Youth — Don’t Waste It on Lies
Waiting until your 30s to "figure it out" is a gamble with your future.
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Biology says: Marry early.
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The Bible says: Marry early.
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Common sense says: Marry early.
Are there risks? Of course. But the risks of marrying later far outweigh the risks of marrying early—spiritually, biologically, emotionally, and mentally.
Don’t fall for the trap of "experiencing more first." Experience true life with a partner, building together while you are young, energetic, and full of potential.
Choose truth over trends.
Choose commitment over chaos.
Choose early marriage over empty promises.
You only get one youth—don’t give it to the lies of a broken world. Give it to a future you can build, together.
Written for those brave enough to challenge the modern lie.
I'm in my 30s now and honestly I really agree with this. I used to believe in the whole “wait until you’re ready” idea but now I realize… you’re never really 100% ready. Life keeps changing, problems keep coming, and that “perfect timing” never shows up.
ReplyDeleteYea sure, early marriage got its own risks, especially if your young and still figuring stuff out. But waiting too long, like into your mid or late 30s comes with even bigger risks, especially for women biologically but even for men too. Fertility, bonding, even just the emotional walls you build from too much past relationships... it all adds up.
I think what this blog said really hit me biology don’t wait. It's fixed. All this "be successful first" or "enjoy your youth first" stuff is man-made and always changing. But our biology? It stays the same. That’s the real deadline people should pay attention to.
Honestly I wish I saw things this way sooner. Would’ve made different choices. But it’s never too late to realign.
This really hit me deep. I just finished my course and while my friends keep saying "you're still young," I honestly don’t feel that way anymore. I’m 25 and I can already feel like my prime is slipping away. It’s not that I’m desperate, but something inside me knows that this is the time God made us for building a family. Not 35… now. And sometimes it feels like I missed the train already.
ReplyDeleteI keep thinking of that verse in Ecclesiastes 12:1 “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come…” That verse hits different now. Because the world says wait, focus on career, explore life... but the Word is telling us the opposite. When you’re young, your heart is still soft, not hardened by all the hurt and disappointments of adult life. It makes sense to choose marriage in that season. Before sin creeps in, before our desires turn into temptations.
And honestly, I feel that truth in my body too. It’s harder now than when I was 21. The innocence fades a little. The energy drops. And whether we admit it or not, we aren’t as “desired” the older we get. It’s a hard truth but I feel it.
This blog helped remind me that it’s not too late but I can’t keep living like I’ve got forever. I want to be wise with what God gave me… including my youth. 🙏
Hi
DeleteThis was a truly thought-provoking and well-articulated piece. Thank you for writing it.
ReplyDeleteWhat stood out to me most was how refreshingly counter-cultural the message is. In a world where we’re constantly told to “wait,” “explore more,” and “focus on ourselves first,” this blog serves as a much-needed recalibration. The idea that early marriage can be wise, meaningful, and even strategic is something most modern narratives don’t even entertain and yet, as you’ve clearly expressed, it makes more sense than many might initially assume.
I resonated deeply with the point (from your other blogs) that you can’t reverse age, but you can always go back to school, make more money, travel, or build a business later. That’s such a powerful and sobering truth. Time, particularly youth, is a non-renewable resource. Our bodies, minds, and hearts are in their most adaptable and resilient state during our late teens and early twenties. Historically, biologically, and even spiritually this is when people have always built, not hesitated.
I also appreciated the emphasis on building a life together with someone, rather than delaying marriage in the name of solo achievements. There's something raw, beautiful, and honest about choosing to build not after you've "arrived," but while you're still figuring things out side by side, through challenges and growth. That’s how legacy-building relationships are often forged.
Additionally, the observation that many of the people who advocate delaying marriage are often those who themselves married early but now speak from regret adds a layered insight. It's not that early marriage itself is the problem, it’s who you marry and why you marry that makes the difference. Being wise, intentional, and spiritually grounded in your choice of partner matters far more than just age.
With that said, I think it’s also worth acknowledging that while this message is incredibly valuable, it may not apply equally to everyone, and that’s not a flaw in the argument, just a layer of nuance. Some people come from backgrounds or experiences where early marriage would actually be harmful if done without healing, mentoring, or stability. Not everyone has the tools or models to choose wisely in their early 20s. So for some, delaying isn’t always a sign of fear or cultural conformity, sometimes, it’s a response to pain or trauma they’re still learning to navigate.
And, as a practical note, modern pressures like student debt, housing costs, and unstable economies do play a role in people’s decision-making. So while we shouldn't let those things define our choices, it’s also fair to recognize that they influence the landscape in real ways.
But overall? I’d say about 90% of this blog is deeply sound, insightful, and refreshingly bold. The other 10% could benefit from a touch more nuance, not because it’s “wrong,” but because acknowledging those complexities could make the message even stronger and more relatable to a wider audience.
Thank you again for writing this. It’s not just a case for early marriage, it’s a case for courageous commitment, spiritual maturity, and valuing what truly lasts. And in a time when so many are unsure, this kind of wisdom is deeply needed.
You’re right, the value of youth is deeply underappreciated today. We tend to act like we have unlimited time, but biology doesn’t lie. The reminder that you can always chase career goals later, but not rewind your twenties, is something more people need to hear especially when those years are actually ideal for forming deep bonds and building something meaningful with someone.
DeleteAnd the point about growing together. There’s something sacred and powerful about choosing someone before all the boxes are checked and then going through the fire, setbacks, and breakthroughs as a team. That kind of shared struggle often forges stronger, more resilient marriages than waiting for "perfect" timing.
That said, I also really respect your caution around generalizing. Some people do need more time especially if they’ve gone through broken homes, trauma, or just never had strong role models. It’s easy to say “just be wise in who you marry,” but wisdom doesn’t come automatically at 19 or 22 sometimes it’s earned through healing, mentorship, or experience.
Still, that doesn’t cancel out the core of the message. If anything, it makes it even more urgent: We need better conversations around marriage, purpose, timing, and maturity not just advice that says “wait” with no vision behind it.
So thank you for deepening the dialogue here. You elevated it. This is the kind of back-and-forth we need more of: honest, grounded, and rooted in both truth and compassion.
As a man in my 30s, I just want to say this blog post deeply resonated with me. Everything written here aligns perfectly with what life has taught me over time. I didn't marry early, but now I realize just how beautiful and powerful it would have been to find someone earlier, settle down, and build life together from the ground up.
ReplyDeleteWhen you're young, you think waiting makes sense. The world even well-meaning voices tells men to "get yourself together first," to focus on your goals, hit your milestones, and only then start thinking about marriage. But the truth is, by the time you've "made it," by the time you're finally ready, you've already missed something priceless.
One of the biggest downfalls of men today is taking advice from the media and toxic circles that push us to delay commitment. They say: “Secure the bag, build your empire, then choose the girl.” But here’s the problem they never tell you that by the time you finally bring her into your life, she wasn’t with you in the struggle. She wasn’t there when you were figuring things out, when you were eating simple meals and chasing dreams in uncertainty. She didn’t see your fight, your growth, your lowest moments. You didn’t starve together, so you won’t fully feast together.
And even worse: during the years you're "building yourself," that same woman may be building experiences with other men experiences that change her, wear her down, sometimes damage her trust, her purity, her ability to fully give herself. And now you're supposed to just meet at the finish line and try to create something as if you both started the race together? It's rarely the same.
I’ve seen friends who married their college sweethearts who grew up together, failed together, matured together. And I honestly admire that deeply. There’s something pure and deeply grounding about being each other’s firsts not just sexually, but emotionally. Being there for each other in the raw, formative years. Making memories in your twenties that no one else gets to share. That kind of bond can't be replicated later, no matter how "established" you become.
And yes, I get it there's always that voice saying "what if there’s someone better?" But honestly, every married person has that thought at some point. The truth is, there will always be someone more beautiful, more talented, more charismatic. But none of that outweighs the power of shared history. Of growing up together. Of knowing you saw each other through the chaos of youth.
Time is short. The things we think we need when we’re young, status, options, perfection, they fade. But the memories made with someone real, at the right time, stay forever. And if you miss those moments, you can’t go back and recreate them. You can’t rewind your twenties.
If I could speak to my younger self, I would tell him to stop waiting for perfection. Stop listening to the world’s lies about timing. Find someone kind, loyal, and willing to grow with you and choose her. Not because life is already sorted out, but because it's not. Build together. Struggle together. Laugh, cry, hustle, and win together.
This blog captures that truth. Thank you for writing it. I only hope more young men read this before it’s too late.
-A brother who’s seen both sides.
Whew… let me just say, I married at 21. And yeah, I’ll be honest I wasn’t fully ready. We were both still figuring life out. But thank God my husband had the courage and vision to push for marriage early. Now, looking back? BEST decision I ever made.
ReplyDeleteI look around now and I see it clear as day: my friends who also married young (even though we were broke and clueless back then lol) are out here glowing. Literally. Sure, we had struggles, don’t get it twisted. But we grew together. We built something real. Our bodies bounced back after babies, we got stability early, and now we’re living a whole new chapter of peace and joy while raising beautiful kids.
Then I look at the friends who waited till later… girl. The stress is all over their faces. Kids at 35+ ain’t easy. They tired. Ain’t no glow. And don’t even get me started on my friends who still out here in these streets at 36 talkin’ bout “I’m waiting for someone who matches my level now.” 🙄 Sis… your level?? You had a whole good man back then, but your other single friends told you to keep looking. And now? They all single, still giving each other false hope and “you deserve better” talks. And bitter as hell. I unfollowed most of them. I got no time for that energy.
This blog says it perfectly early marriage makes sense. Biologically, spiritually, emotionally. It aligns with how we were made. Like imagine waiting till you 30+ just to have sex… you really gonna wait that long to release all that? 😂 And if you don’t wait, now you're out here fornicating, collecting soul ties, and living in sin. And for what? To be "ready"? Man please. You never fully ready for marriage. You grow into it. That’s the beauty.
And don’t even get me started on people who say “you might meet someone better.” Better? What’s better than someone who loved me before the glow-up? Who stuck by me in the dark days, who saw me at my lowest and still chose me? Those so-called better options don’t have the same loyalty, and half the time, they also looking for someone “better” than you. It’s a trap.
Now, 15 years later, I have 4 wonderful kids, a husband I respect and adore, and we’re raising our babies right. We don’t force anything on them, but we teach them to think clearly. To be careful who they follow. To not take advice from bitter, lost people who still ain’t found peace. We tell them that life moves fast, and while youth feels endless, it’s not. Use your time wisely. Build something that lasts. And me and my husband? We always keep the door open for real convos with our kids. They know we’re here, no shame, no judgment, just love and truth.
Marriage is personal. But don’t let the wrong voices make your decision for you. If you find real love early, don’t be scared. Don’t wait for perfect. Grow together. That’s where the real joy lives.
This blog. It’s the truth too many people don’t wanna hear.
- A wife, a mama of 4, and a woman who’s living proof that early love done right is the real blessing. ❤️
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DeleteI totally agree with everything you said, and thx for being so open & real about it. This convo needs to be heard more, esp in a generation misled by social media, fake empowerment slogans & money-first ideologies.
DeleteI get why ppl say "wait till you're financially stable" or "work on yourself first" before marriage. I get it. Financial & mental stability matter. But here's the truth: struggles are part of life. You don’t need to be 100% ready. You grow into it. That’s the point. You grow with your partner, not before her.
I see it all the time - young couples in their 20s, pushing strollers, laughing w/ their kids, still got that glow & fire in their eyes. That's real love. A beautiful achievement. They didn’t wait for perfection, they chose each other, & now they’re raising families w/ energy, fewer scars, & love that’s built, not bought. They might not be rich yet, but what they have is beautiful.
Now compare that to couples starting families in their late 30s or 40s (no offense). They look tired, worn out, spark’s gone. Life hits diff when you wait too long. Biology don’t lie. Emotions fade. Energy drops. You can't rewind time. And baggage builds-emotional, sexual, trust issues... it stacks.
And man... that whole "build yourself first, then find a wife" thing. Imagine grinding in silence 10+ yrs -noodles, sleepless nights, chasing dreams -then once you get the house, car, biz... someone pops up & says, "I love you."
Really? Love me? Or what I built?
You don't even know if she loves you, or what you provide. That ain't love. That ain't marriage. That’s opportunism. Then when it falls apart, society says: give up half your wealth - for someone who wasn’t even in the fire with you?
That’s what media pushes. Girls get told, “You’re a queen. Never settle.” But why not teach them to build w/ someone instead? Why not say: find a man w/ potential & support him? Ride with him through the dark - that’s loyalty. That’s faith. That’s marriage.
Let’s be real. A lot of girls saying “I want a man making 6 figs, emotionally stable, trauma-free, perfect credit”... are 30+ w/ exes. Still single, still bitter, chasing a dude that don’t exist. Meanwhile, the guy they curved at 22? He’s happily married to someone who believed in him before he made it.
And this blog? It gets it. Glad it brings Scripture in, ‘cause yep - the Word aligns w/ biology and common sense. Ecclesiastes 12:1 says:
"Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you’ll say, ‘I find no pleasure in them.’” (NIV)
Brothers, let’s be real. Your sex drive peaks in your 20s. That’s when God built you for intimacy, connection, passion. Why not give that to your wife? Why waste your best years chasing fake standards? Wanna go to Japan? Cool, do it later. Dream house? You'll get it. But don’t throw away youth chasing the world & losing your soul, fam, connection.
You can go back to school. Switch careers. Build wealth later. But you can’t relive your 20s w/ your wife, your first love, your kids growing while you're still young, fresh, strong. Biology’s fixed. Everything else is flexible.
Also, I wanna thank the mama who commented earlier - being real w/ your kids & teaching truth. That parenting changes generations. Too many parents stay silent. You’re doing what most won’t. Respect.
To anyone reading: Think critically. Read your Bible. The world will lie. The Word sets you free. Media pushes money-first, ego-driven nonsense & calls it “standards.” The Bible calls it idolatry. 1 Timothy 6:10 says:
"For the love of money is the root of all evil."
It’s wrecking relationships. We’re raising folks to chase status & gratification - not love, not faith, not partnership.
So let me say this clearly:
Young men - find someone early & build your purpose with her. Don’t wait for perfection.
Young women - find a man w/ a calling & walk with him. Don’t fall for the lies. Love & loyalty > luxury.
This post raises important truths that I believe more people should take seriously. I’d like to share my own reflections, as someone who agrees with the heart of this message but also wanted to dive deeper into why early marriage makes more sense than modern culture leads us to believe.
ReplyDeleteOur biology is not designed to wait forever - fertility, emotional bonding, and even physical energy peak in our youth. Yet society tells us to delay commitment until we’ve "lived life," "built ourselves," and "experienced more" - even though many end up emotionally burnt out, disillusioned, or stuck in a cycle of unfulfilling relationships by the time they finally feel "ready."
The bigger issue isn’t just that people are unprepared - it’s why preparation takes so long in the first place. The systems around us - long education timelines, unstable dating culture, pressure to achieve solo success first - are not aligned with the natural design of our bodies or the deeper human need for stable love and purpose early in life.
We’ve written a more detailed reflection expanding on these thoughts in our own blog. For those interested in a deeper dive, feel free to check it out here:
👉 The Case for Early Marriage – Why Modern Culture Gets It Wrong
Looking forward to hearing other views - let’s keep this a respectful and meaningful conversation.
Thank you. Read our blog☝️
Delete💯💯
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